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Monday, February 21st, 2005
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Take the quiz: "What does your birth month reveal about you?"
September
Suave and compromising. Careful, cautious and organized. Likes to point out people's mistakes. Likes to criticize. Stubborn. Quiet but able to talk well. Calm and cool. Kind and sympathetic. Concerned and detailed. Loyal but not always honest. Does work well. Very confident. Sensitive. Thinking generous. Good memory. Clever and knowledgeable. Loves to look for information. Must control oneself when criticizing. Able to motivate oneself. Understanding. Fun to be around. Secretive. Loves sports, leisureand traveling. Hardly shows emotions. Tends to bottle up feelings. Very choosy, especially in relationships. Systematic
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lately everything has been so weird. i cant even feel sad or mad or anything im just nothing this emotionless nothing. i dont get why everything changes and it seems like everything changed in a matter of months. why are people so diffrent then what you expected. or maybe its just you. i cant take much more of school i hate getting up to go to hell for 7 hours. school isnt even fun anymore. i think this weekend im hanging out with some old friends. thats kind of exciting? idk i just feel like i made completly new diffrent friends this year and kind of forgot about the other ones and i regret that. so who knows mayb ill start hanging out with them a little bit more often. ok i dont feel like typing anymore so im going bye.
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Sunday, February 20th, 2005
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today - - went to zerns with cati, bethany, and mrs wade. fun times fun times lol. we all went back to my house and wen tout o pizza hut with jon. came back bethany went home and cati left. jon and me went got jaclyn and corrin and then jon left and we went to joe's then michelle and megan came over too :]. me and jaclyn stayed till 11 ... we had some good talks actually. i love actually TALKING about things that are actually interesting and worth while to talk about. i think its the most RaNdOm times when you have the BeSt talks with someone.
but yea now i think sleep sounds good. but ill probably end up watching a movie or something lol. so yea goodnight'
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write 10 things about 10 different people but NEVER tell who they are about
-everybody changes. but you changed in a bad way. and i hate that about you so much.
-i miss you. i hate you. sometimes i wish it was the way it used to be and then i wish you would just leave for good and never talk to me again.
-your one of my favorite people. but it seems like you hate me.
-i dont know why im writeing about you you two. but 13- - every now and then i miss you guys.
- your awkward it seems like you dont really know where you belong or what you want
-it's hard to figure you out. its like once i try youve already changed
-i miss having you as a sense of security, someone to fall back on. someone that just knew me
-of course we had our share of fights but we were like brother and sister? wtff happened to that. you changed. i dont like it
-if it was legal you'd probably be the first one id shoot.
-you need attention or your lost.
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Friday, February 18th, 2005
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yes so last night had dance from 6:30-8:30 then me and cati did the whole diner thing. . . slept at catis went with her to get her haircut went out for lunch then cam eback here and tnaned with bethany . . . and im turning somewhat vegan? or however you spell it?lol. but yea and i have to go get a job application tomrow at the new tanning place opening up but if i get like ugly tan please someone tell me thanks :] it would be greatly appreciated. i have so muhc to do this weekend its ridiculous :[. well. but yes i should be going cyaaa
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Friday, February 11th, 2005
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| Time: | 5:59 pm. |
| Mood: |  okay. |
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going to jons in alittle kinda tired. im kinda mad too but w.e im over it its not like i dont have plans tonight so its w.e. pep rally roday at school it was pretty gay. so yeaa food is here thooo byeee :]
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| Time: | 12:30 am. |
| Mood: |  sleepy. |
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if i were..
if i were a month i'd be: October
if i were a day of the week i'd be: friday
if i were a time of day i'd be: 6:03
if i were a planet i'd be: Saturn
if i were a sea animal i'd be: mermaid
if i were a direction i'd be: right
if i were a piece of furniture i'd be: loveseat
if i were a sin i'd be: lust? i think thats a sin right? idk
if i were a historical figure i'd be: Marilyn Monroe
if i were a liquid i'd be: dietcoke
if i were a tree i would be: cherry blossom
if i were a stone i'd be: diamond
if i were a bird i'd be: blue jay
if i were a weapon i'd be: - - - Iuno
if i were a flower or plant i'd be: forget me not
if i were a kind of weather i'd be: rainy/sunny-with a rainbow.
if i were a mythical creature i'd be: unicorn
if i were a musical instrument: piano
if i were an animal i'd be: kitty
if i were a color i'd be: yellow
if i were an emotion i'd be: excited
if i were a vegetable i'd be: green bean
if i were a sound i'd be: ??
if i were a shoe i'd be: a brown one
if i were a book i'd be: notusedmuch
if i were a body part i'd be: an eye.
if i were a shape i'd be a:astar
Finish the phrase...
It took me a long time to realize that you don't even... notice me
Everyday I just wanna... freakk outtt!
If I could erase people's memories I would tell... people what i really thought about them and what really goes through my mind
When I'm alone I... sit on the computer
I think I will live to be... 83
I wish... to be skinny
Will someone please... shooot mee
I sit alone... every night
Alright mother fucker... YOU CROSSED THE LINE BITCHHH!
I don't believe you when you say... you love me
I'm running... from everything
I'm sorry mommy, I didn't mean to spill the milk, but... i just had another attack
Good times happen when...Im with my girls
I hate... school
I love...YooOU .
How Much Do You Really Know About Yourself?
What About YOU...?
What shall i call you?: Carrie
What do you NOT want to be called?: a . . .?
How old are you?: 15 :im just a baby still:
When were you born?: september 3, 1989
Where were you born?: Pottstown
Do you still live there? If not, do you wish you did?: Unfortunitly,im stuck here for a little
What School do you go to?: pottgrove
Do you like it there?: on the good days
Music? usually whatever is on bethanys ipod
What is your favorite genre?: anythingg
Whats your favorite band(s)?: dashboard,something corporate, TBS
Favorite Song(s)?: 3685,hollerback girl,wake me up when september ends
Do you like your music loud? ;): some days
Friends
Who is your best friend?: Cw.aM.Bm
Do they concider you their best friend?: iduno pretty much
How long have you known this person?: Cati-not long Bethany-not long Audra- 10 years
Do you trust this person with your life?: yea i turst all 3 of them.
Do you trust them with your deepest secrets?: most of them
Do they know everything about you?: basically
Have they met most of your family?:audra knows like everyone.
Does your family like them?: Yeah
Has your friend ever wanted to "boing" one of your family members?: hahaha? im not mentioning any names
If they did want to, how would you feel?: whatever floats their boat
Out of your friends...who is...
the craziest?: either bethany or cati <-- there the same person basically so. its hard to pick
the calmest?: eh. . katie
the most pessemistic?: amy or melissa
the most optimistic?: all
the slowest?: as in speed or brain ?
the wittiest?: bethany
the most intelligent?:bethany
the most religious?: probably audra
the hottest?: there all like georgous.
the cutest?: ME ; )
the easiest to talk to?: bethany cati audra cheree and kellie
the hardest to talk to?: uhm. . there not hard to talk to i just choose nto tell tell them anything that important
the best with talking to about your problems?: courtney just becuase i always went to her thru alot.
the worst with talking to about your problems?: I dont know the ones im not close with
the one you want to "boing"? (i wont tell): eh dont know
Have you been in love?: ... nah
Are you in love at the moment?: no
If so, does this person know you love them?:
on telling them?:
Whats the one thing you wish for in life?: to have the best times and not dwell on the bad things in life (( even though thats hard to follow sometimes ))
If you had 5 days to live...what would you do?: anything and everything
hich one person would you spend the last days with?: my girls.
How do you know when youre in love?: I guess its just a strong feeling-but then whos to say if its real or not.
ow do you feel about Death?: not too sure yet
Do you have a philosophy on life?: live it to the fullest . . no regrets
Do you believe in life after death?: i think .. ill probably believe whatever cati tell s me about these things so w.e she says
What about Reincarnation?: iduno
Favorites
...food: pizza or cheese
...drink: diet cokeey
...color: pink or black
...animal: dog
...tv show: one tree hill
...movie: any i <3 movies
...album: eh
...band: eh
...song: alot
...decade: ... i have alot to come
...car: any jeep . .especiall jeep wranglers
...city: new york
...country: austrailia
...actor: iuno
...actress: iuno
...time of day: 11:11
...starbucks beverage: Mmm maybe any kinda of cHi
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Wednesday, February 9th, 2005
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| Time: | 11:34 pm. |
| Mood: |  confused. |
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some things are just so confusing that i dont even know where to begin to start to actually try to fix things. i hate thinking. i hate reality. why are some people so just i dont know hard to figure out. i wish things would just come so easy but it seems that everything i have i have to work so hard for when most people i know dont need to do anything and there like perfect. maybe i just over look things too much and worry about things that arent even true way too much? i dont know, i rahter just sleep cause thats the times you just dont think, you dont do anything you just dream. i think thats why i like sleeping so much now? who knows. w.e its life everyone has problems they have to deal with but i jsut needed to let out somehtings
im sorry to anybody that ive said stupid things/got mad at stupid things for its my fault i know.
wahhhhhhh i just want to like fuckin screammMMm! why is life so fuckin messed up why cant it jsu tbe happppppyyy all the time then we wont know what its like to be forgotten,lied to,lonely,sad,angry,confused... all the emotions that are just pointless emotions that every SINGLE person has felt at some point in their life. but like why? i dont get it, i dont get why its like this. i dont know i guess we'll never know
ok so i made no sense to anyone probnably but w.e i dont really care. hopefully amy can bring me a present tomrow or at least by friday :/. ok well im off to at least try to sleep but dont know if its going to happen. goodnight
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Sunday, February 6th, 2005
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hahaha hm. im only describing saturday night in ONE word
'it's not illegal if you dont get caught'
to everyone that ended up with me in the end <3. you all crack me up to no end. hopefully all of us can do that alittle more often.
court thanks for being my shining star* always there for me no matter what <333.
friday night saw the boogeyman' with cakie. hm actually i think i already wrote about that actualy. for the superbowl i went to marissas and katie morganne bethany and court were there fuN tiMes giRls<3. tomorows stupid ass school and i dont want to get up at like 6;45 take a shower get in ashton be silent cause thats how me and bethany always are in the mornings and then get to school have 2 quizzes to make up and then get my wonderful report card :/. ahhhhhhhhh i hate school i wish it would just die. ok well i just wanted a quick update for tonight. Night loves'
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Friday, February 4th, 2005
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so this week was interesting. i seriously just think its this winter depression thing. everybodys just like blah. i cried like this whole week for no reason (kinda). well tonight was fun with my awesomestttt best friend in the world cati :] we saw the boogeyman it was alright nothing special. except these fuckin immature middle shcool kids would scream every 10 seconds. stayed home today i felt like i needed a day to just sleep. but then i was thinking well ill just wait till bethany comes and gets her car and ill go to school with her well i must of fell asleep and woke up and saw her car wasnt at my house anymore i started crying how sick lol. but w.e i slept till my love jon came to wake me uplol. well i think im off to watch my three movies i rented by myself :] how funn!
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Monday, January 31st, 2005
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ok so im done all my homework finally ive only been doing it since 8:30 and its now 11 but.
i've been histaricle all night first i was crying cause i couldnt get 2 pages done on my project proposal but cheree reassured me that she didnt either so then i moved on to crying about not finding any of the fuckin answers for stupid john steinbeck i mean who really cares about a guy who died like 50 fuckin years ago why the hell do i care what his nick name is or what his parents names were!!!!!!! and then i started crying even more cause of everything i seirously didnt want this to happen i didnt want to start i hate crying i hate it with a passion i rather just nto talk for like 2 weeks then cry cause im goign to be up forever just being depressed and crying. i hate this i hate not having anybody to trust i hate not having a best friend that tells me evrything i miss that i miss being reassured that i have someone that i can help me through these depressing moods. i just miss everything i HATE winter. i mean dont get me wrong i love my friends its just i guess since things are slowly falling apart i just have no one i guessand probably cause one of the reasons im in this sad mood is cause of some actions taht had taken place. i know i shouldnt get mad i dont want to care i just cant help it, this isnt helping knwoing that i didnt ge above like 77 on any of midterms and that i got 60% for science this quarter and probably like 70 for s.s hm im just going to love to come home to get btiched at from my parents. oh yay i was callled a druggy tonight also cause i was crying over homework but if thye even knew half of the reason i was crying they probably wouldnt of said anything. i jsut cant handle anything right now ok wow i dont expect anyone to actually read my depressing entry either i jsut had to let that to something cause i dont want to call anyone and cry to them so i just figured this was a better way.
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court- - i dont know how to post a comment back so here it is. . . thanks :/ <3
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Saturday, January 29th, 2005
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| Time: | 1:51 pm. |
| Mood: |  disappointed. |
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this weekend was alot of fun with like all of my favorite people. friday went o and saw hide and seek with jon and cati it was awesome saturday ngiht went to cherees for a little then went ot lyndis <-- lots of fun happened up in there lol :x
There's so much on my mind i cant even focus. like it seems just as everything is going ok and everything waas starting to get so much fun. im just totaly let down and i know i have my best friends but hald the time there not even there to tell me the whole truth and that makes me so upset i cant even be mad im jsut extremly sad when all i want to do is cry but i know i cant because i just wont be able to get out of this sad mood for awhile. im trying to avoid the depressed me as much as possible but it jsut seems theres slowly so many reasons to just freak out. im just doing so bad right now. school/cheerleading/friends/life. when did it start to become the cool thing to lie and keep things from your best friend. and i kmnow they say its not a big deal and in the end they'll be the ones getting mad at me but wtfffff!!!!!! theres jut so mcuhf uicking bullshtyi lately and when they say your there best firendwha thtye really mean is i know i can lie to you caus eyoull believe... i lvoe thme to death but just i cant stand to lsitne to eevry lie in teh fuckin boook ... im sorryr ill stop this is making no sense to anyone. but i jus tneeded ot let it out
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Monday, January 17th, 2005
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this weekend was pretty fun. ugh i dont want to go back to school tomorow though :/. midterms are soon and im probably not going to study but i know i should lol. well here's my weekend update
Friday--KOP with audra kira and docks, emt up with jon and megan and went out to eat with them and a few other people. me and jon went back to my house and bethany came over for a little.
Saturday--Audras bonfire with cati and bethany haha the bonfire got busted cops and ambulances came me bethany and cati were like so confused ha i wonder why? bethany kind of just walked out while me and cati just stayed in the house?
Sunday--<333 myfavorites
well considering i sitll have anotehr project to do study for a test i should probably go do that lol gooodbyeee.
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Monday, January 10th, 2005
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today was uhm pretty uhm... i dont even know the word for it. but i feel so lonely anymore. i dont know if i can make myself get up tomorow morning. i wish cati could s.o so she could do my hair it might of gave me a reason to go lol, maybe? but im proud of myself iwent tanning and went to the gym even though i feel like shit :/. i think cheerleading is afer school tomorow :[ that makes me want to stay home even more. but idk i want to go out wiht cati tomroow so idk . hm ? well, i think im going to sleep goodnight
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Saturday, January 8th, 2005
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AuDjj 55: is he coming to the bonfire?
paperheart xI: ahah yea... yea i guess if i cant ifnd a baysitter
AuDjj 55: is he goig to wreck it?
paperheart xI: no i told him he has to sit by him slef by the garage and if he moves he desnt get food ro knives for teh weeek
ok. so let me explain thse 4 IM'S i have a 5 year old son Aden and were tlaking about him coming to audra's bonfire, its sick we ac tliek hes a real person :]. haha gotta love us tho. last night was so much fun WE WON :] cause my team rocks. <33 went back to kellies till like 11 then bethany took me home and i went to michelles around 11;30. some people are really starting to get me so i suggest please stop making comments since you you have no clue what you are talking about, no matter how much you think you know everything thanks :]. i miss cati tho :tear:tear:. lol well i msut get to the gym now byeeee.
Audra Birthday Countdown-- 2 days
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Friday, January 7th, 2005
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last night=no sleep. so im pretty tired but tonight should be a blast. scavenger hunt with like all my favorite people. Cati left me today though i wont see her till probably Monday :[. scavenger hunt sooon though so i should probably get ready for that lol. but yea i just wanted to do a quick update cyaaaa guys!
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Monday, January 3rd, 2005
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| Time: | 9:48 pm. |
| Mood: |  indescribable. | | Music: | t.v. |
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want a horrible day. lol i kind of dont want to be alone tonight cause i really dont i dont know i just dont. but i do have to make cati's birthday card so that will keep me busy. i just ahhhhhhhhhhhh i dont feel good either and im mad cause catis going on the stupid ski trip without me lol. im just in a bad moood all togehter im so tired but not really idk im going to lay down i think. and cati leaving this weeknd its making me mad lol iwish this week was over.... well im going gooodbyeeeee
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| Time: | 4:31 pm. |
| Mood: | sleepy. |
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well i wanted to update considering i wont be home till 10 tonight, 9 if i dont go to the gym? which im still debating? saturday went to cati's where else? her friend nicole slept over too, shes pretty cool. sunday went to courts with kellie and bethany :]. and i love how kellie decided to drive away when bethany was paying for gas. and i sware she didnt make an illegal turn and FORGET the head lights :] but she really is a GOOOD drive hahaha<3. cati's birthday is on thrusday and im really mad that she s gone for the whole weekend for that stupid vermont trip so no celebrating till the next weekend i guess? well i have to get ready for cheerleading :/ gooodbyeee.
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Friday, December 31st, 2004
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well its 2005 already. 2004 went by so fast. i had alot of fun last night ended up at one really random place? haha but it ended up being fun. after that went to alex's at like 11. that was fun cause at least there i knew people lol. im pretty sure most everybody was pretty gone lol so everyone was hilarous. these are just a few prettty funny things that happened last night
Cati -- "i tricksware,no,i dubsware we didnt!"
Bethany -- walking around in circles basically :]
Kellie -- almost knocking me completly over after giving me a hug lol :x
Shannon -- "WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING HERE" Me " oh ok im glad im welcomed here" -- shannon "NO i mean your like HERE" then running and jumping on me
Courtney -- of course taking care of me making sure i had a place to stay that night :]<3
James -- walking around in i think corrins sweatshirt and his snowflake boxers
yea so to sum it all up i had an awesome night :]... Happy New Year guys!!
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a_look_back's journal
uncomfortable.
content.
optimistic.
sick.